.:Colter:. Random Posts http://www.pointedstick.net/colter the further adventures of the luckiest bastard you ever saw Sat, 25 Apr 2015 18:58:06 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.6.1 New Developments in Spam Poetry http://www.pointedstick.net/colter/2005/11/17/341/ http://www.pointedstick.net/colter/2005/11/17/341/#comments Sat, 25 Apr 2015 18:58:06 +0000 colter http://www.pointedstick.net/colter/journal/2005/11/17/341/ [Originally published on 2005-11-17 14:39:04]

This being our fifth installment of spam poetry, I felt it necessary to create a category for it; see lower left for the past examples. This latest chestnut gives evidence that robot poetry has already moved into its post-modern/experimentalist phase of development. Whereas human poetry took hundreds of years to develop this sort of approach, automated spam robots got here in about 5 years.

“Eat your own dog food – Weasel by sleep”
carry the have it if ! only or.
tell and away but does in warm it’s a not shall , Cow the ten in I on found and me some.
round be drink it full the brown try said it upon it’s Pants !.
hurt the is not the and be ,.
there it’s my , this a those ! been , little it’s going see away not then in round some Chicken may.
fall may Chia-pet be it may said it and may been it get some.
play not round on my it warm the.
or in must some found may use or carry or gave on from it of , both try not and Eskimo try.
go not pull not warm may brown the these but my a never in.

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Tips for Better Giggage http://www.pointedstick.net/colter/2003/09/15/148/ http://www.pointedstick.net/colter/2003/09/15/148/#comments Sat, 25 Apr 2015 18:58:05 +0000 colter /?p=148 [Originally published on 2003-09-15 00:00:00]

Last weekend was the second in what I hope won’t be a series of remarkably shitty gigs. We drove 5 hours to Nashville to play a free show (because we’re that nice of people), and the event was organized by people who clearly know nothing about event organization. Here, then, are some handy tips to remember when planning your next entertainment event:

  • If you’re going to have bands, you need to have power. Lots of it. Not a few outlets with some extension cords. This particular weakness manifested itself in frequent two-second power drops while the bands were playing. For me, it meant resetting all my sounds whenever the power went out. Which can be tricky if you’re already distracted by silly things like musical performance.
  • Be sure to schedule at least 15 minutes of downtime between sets for bands to set up and break down. If you don’t, the headliner (read: us) that you scheduled for 7:00 will start at 9:00.
  • If your event is outdoors and set to run beyond sundown, set up your stage in a location with adequate permanent lighting. Yes, musicians have stage lights, but what happens when they need to pack them up? In last weekend’s case the answer was: headlights.
  • If you’re counting on an influx of audience members from, say, a nearby water park, make sure that said water park isn’t one day away from the end of its season.

Nevertheless, I had a highly enjoyable weekend. It consisted mainly of driving, but Bassgirl Natalie and I passed the time by playing CDs for each other, going to used book stores in Memphis, hanging out with Roy, Jo, the Murphys (Nica and Mac) and Ross Rice and generally discussing Life, the Universe, and Everything (not the Douglas Adams book, although she was actually looking to find a used copy of Hitchiker’s Guide to the Galaxy at the Memphis bookstores we went to).

Once again, I have been provided with the perfect example of a journey being far more important than the destination.

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An Unfortunate Confluence http://www.pointedstick.net/colter/2003/11/15/131/ http://www.pointedstick.net/colter/2003/11/15/131/#comments Sat, 25 Apr 2015 18:58:04 +0000 colter /?p=131 [Originally published on 2003-11-15 00:00:00]

Why does the universe hate me?!!

I’ve waited almost two months for this day. Already irksome is the fact that Fate has conspired to bring two great shows to my town on the same night: the Incredible Moses Leroy and John Mayer. I should mention that these two acts are responsible for recording two of my favorite albums of the 21st century. Playing it safe, I chose the Incredible Moses Leroy.

Chris, Heather and I get to the venue, Sticky Fingerz, at 7:15 or so, to grab some food and get good seats. Most shows at Stickies start between 9:00 and 9:30, so that’s a good plan, right? Wrong. Nothing was even set up onstage until 10:00pm or so, and the opening act, Lucious Spiller, didn’t start until around then. So between 7:30 and 10:00 I’m sitting with my people watching ESPN college football highlights. Twice, because they loop evidently. I kept seeing the same plays.

Eventually, the John Mayer crowd starts streaming in a little after 11:00. D’oh!! My friend Randall went to the show with 6th row seats he bought from a guy outside the arena. He made it to Stickies just in time. Fucker!

The band comes in and sets up around 11:00, and plays from about 11:30 to 12:15 or so. That’s it. I had plenty of time to talk to them, and their reasoning was that the crowd wanted dance music, not their stuff. No real Moses Leroy fans there (except me, Chris and Heather and the table of people I helped bring in). I did get an autographed CD, and Ron, the lead singer and songwriter, gave me his email address. So that’s cool.

My friends go off elsewhere to continue drinking. I go home, but as soon as my shoes are off, I realize I forgot to pay my tab! So I go back to Stickies and get that done. I should’ve tried to convince Ron to go hang out somewhere, but he had some chick begging him to go to Discovery…I think he just wanted to chill out on the bus. Oh well.

Epilogue to this debacle: PBS aired John Mayer with Double Trouble (Stevie Ray Vaughan’s rhythm section – a show I actually thought would be really cool before I even knew it was happening) this same evening. I had set my VCR to record it, but evidently I failed to properly program the show, so it didn’t catch it.

AAAAAARRRGGGHHHHH!!!! Colonel Klink why have you forsaken me!???

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Spiraling: Pictures http://www.pointedstick.net/colter/2005/06/15/247/ http://www.pointedstick.net/colter/2005/06/15/247/#comments Sat, 25 Apr 2015 18:58:03 +0000 colter http://www.pointedstick.net/colter/2005/06/15/247/ [Originally published on 2005-06-15 18:27:42]

Here are some pictures via Jessica. Can you believe I left my camera at home? I’ve been getting lax on that since I got my new camera phone, which I quickly discovered is useless in a dark venue with lots of really bright lights.



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Ironic Deconstruction = Comedy Gold http://www.pointedstick.net/colter/2005/03/30/207/ http://www.pointedstick.net/colter/2005/03/30/207/#comments Sat, 25 Apr 2015 18:58:02 +0000 colter http://www.pointedstick.net/colter/journal/2005/03/30/207/ [Originally published on 2005-03-30 15:35:42]

The Zeitgeist for Spring 2005 is Qwantzing, a process whereby song lyrics are displayed in outline format. I made this one as an example:

Things I want:

  • a new drug

Things that this drug should not do:

  • make me sick
  • make me crash my car
  • make me feel three feet thick
  • make me nervous, wondering what to do
  • spill
  • cost too much
  • come in a pill
  • go away
  • keep me up all night
  • make me sleep all day
  • make me feel too bad
  • make me feel too good
  • make me talk too much
  • make my face freak out

Things that this drug should do:

  • make me feel like I feel when I’m with you, when I’m alone with you
  • what it should
  • have no doubt
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